FAIR AND SQUARE: Lawsuits are no joke, but what if you could get something from it?

...aka good lawyers will win millions in court for your stupidity, or your cleverness?
21.Oct 2019
 
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I was extremely amused by news announcing that a man grew breasts after taking certain medicine. The American company Johnson & Johnson is therefore supposed to pay this unlucky guy who will now have to buy bras 188 billion crowns! These bizarre lawsuits are just the BEST. However, when I think about it, I don't know whether to think about that poor guy with breasts that he is a total idiot who can't read about the side effects of medicine, or a crafty smartass who's been planning this all along...

Let's not kid ourselves, for the amount of money that he may win in court he'll able to treat himself to an array of plastic surgeries that will give his body (breasts) a total makeover. He could even get a new face and identity for that, actually.

The victim, Nicholas, is only 26 years old. That means he barely even knows yet what he's going to do with his life. What if he just doesn't want to do anything and spent a long time thinking about how to get a quick buck without having to go into the porn industry or become a drug dealer? It's stated that the medication was for schizophrenia, but the patient suffers from autism. It's not that easy to find a job with that diagnosis...

Male enlarged bust? It is becoming a civilization disease.
Male enlarged bust? It is becoming a civilization disease. • Source: Laser Esthetics

Billions flying left and right

The giant cosmetics manufacturer appealed, of course, but everyone over there knows that they're gonna have to pay something. They're facing several lawsuits, and have even lost one case already, having to dish out 572 million dollars, which is about 13 billion crowns! And even though these legal costs are making investors a bit nervous, they aren't affecting the company's sales in any way. The corporation keeps rolling. It's got its customers.

 Easy money.
Easy money. • Source: Pixabay

He treated depression with Happy Meals

That's why I'm telling myself, why haven't I completely smashed somebody in court like a gnat yet? It's so easy in America. All of us must remember at least one case when McDonald's had to pay like crazy because a customer who had been shoveling burgers into their mouth all day gained weight. Nobody told them how unhealthy and high in calories the food was! How were they supposed to know? They just held their hand out and now they won't even have to cook for the rest of their lives, because they can eat at restaurants, or hire their own chef.

Not so long ago there was the incident with some guy named Ruben who suffered from depression and had a Happy Meal, thinking it would certainly improve his mood, since it's, well, a happy meal. But wouldn't you know it, it didn't. Even an hour after the last bite he was still sad! So he sued the gold letter adorned company for 1.5 million US dollars!

 Once and for all - a hamburger is not a diet food!
Once and for all - a hamburger is not a diet food! • Source: Pixabay

Back to the past

Notice that these giant, big money lawsuits mostly happen across the pond. Why? Aside from their courts probably working drastically faster than ours, it is generally known that a vast majority of Americans don't know where Australia is. They're just a little out of it. A long time ago somebody even put a dog in the washing machine or a cat in the microwave, I don't know anymore in which order the pets died because of their owners' stupidity. Nevertheless, these idiots then went to court, because the appliances didn't clearly state that you aren't supposed to put pets inside these things. They won millions.

And again, this begs the question - are they really so dumb, or did they do it on purpose? Did they know they were going to win a lawsuit against a big company? Because since then there have been funny pictures of crossed out dog and cat on all "life threatening" home appliances.

Don
Don't wash your cat in the washing machine. • Source: Pixabay

A couple more frivolous lawsuits to make your day better

More funny lawsuits aren't far behind. A Florida woman, for example, sued the FedEx shipping company because she tripped on a package they'd left at her doorstep. Surprisingly enough she was successful and has been compensated handsomely.

Then there are, thank God, sane judges who do not fall for everything and, every now and then, they realize that the person is seriously an idiot and their arrogance knows no bounds. For example, Jennifer Connel sued her 8-year-old nephew after attending his birthday party. The boy wanted to hug her and jumped into her arms. Girl couldn't support the hyper kid's weight, fell and broke her wrist. She was not successful in suing for 127 thousand dollars.

 Employees throw packages at people
Employees throw packages at people's feet. • Source: Pixabay

Czechs and insects

And what is it like in the Czech basin? In here court proceedings drag on for so long that before your lawsuit even came to a hearing, you'd either be old or dead. So nobody cares around here and we put up with a lot of stuff from companies. But there are some crafty individuals that do try to squeeze at least a little bit of cash out of small business owners. It's not that many years ago when it was popular to go to restaurants, eat your fill and then leave the last bite in which you plant a dead fly or any other kind of insect and tell the staff that you totally aren't paying for this. Until restaurant owners shared the info with each other, these smartasses were full and happy.

 Who else had any unwanted protein in your food?
Who else had any unwanted protein in your food? • Source: Pixabay

I'm interested in your experience. Do you know of any really crazy lawsuit that somebody got away with? Or were you a victim of some jerk who wanted to leech off you yourself? I'm looking forward to reading the comments.

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Anděla Vostrá
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